Discipline

What if trying to “build a child’s self-esteem” is actually becoming detrimental to that self-esteem?

I mean, there seems to be a movement to help “build a child’s self-image” through talking to the young child (I mean early elementary or before).  Cutting deals with them and attempting to manipulate them in subtle ways in order to get them to do what the adult needs/wants them to do.

It seems that this is the preferred method because it “empowers” the child which then gives them confidence. What if this confidence is a weak confidence though; instead of creating a deep-set confidence which holds through any issue, what if confidence based on this empowerment is very shallow and not resilient?

Sure, giving a child a choice, if only of limited options delimited by the adult can empower the child; make them feel like they have control over parts of the world but, that feeling of control is fake and, I think, a root cause in people lacking resiliency.

Think about it, resiliency comes from many factors.  Some of those are: feeling in control, being able to let go of the things you cannot control and your emotional outlook towards events in life.

Giving a child options, instead of simply a “no, because an authority figure said no,” limits which factors grow in a child.  The child ends up always feeling good because they at least always have the semblance and feeling that they are in control.  What happens once that facade fails though?  Since they are less used to being in a situation out of their control, there is potential for all of their self-confidence to crumble.

Instead, the benefits of simply telling a child “no” and not giving them options teaches them that they are a) not always in control and not always going to be in control and then b) how to emotionally deal with that in a way that makes sense and teaches them to remove their personal feelings from the exact situation so that they can have a healthier emotional outlook on the situation.

So, what if resilient individuals come from slightly sterner upbringing?

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Growing Up A Boy

What if our society worked to raise men, instead of just boys?

What if boys were also given truly positive role models for what to try to become and were allowed to be boys?

Coming from a position of the generally “nice guy,” you know, the one that finishes last all the time, I know having to sort all of this out relatively alone and without any reference sucks.

Where I am right now highly esteems sports across the board so I will be referencing that since I am somewhat lazy like that.  Imagine being a boy in such a world that focuses on sports of all sorts for males: football, basketball, baseball, hockey.  All the while going through a school system that ends up having “introduce a girl to engineering,” “women in STEM,” etc. (interestingly no one does a “introduce a boy to art/dance/reading” the more female dominated side) programming, girls being the leaders of various organizations because of wanting to empower them/they can do it since the boys are too busy being preened for sports.  All of this, it would seem, begins to tell the boy(s) that they are not really useful for anything except for sports and/or playing video games.

Then, look at our sports figures and video games; I challenge you to find positive role models.  Mix this with being in a single-parent home for a good portion of boys: I foresee some issues in the future especially if the boy does not fit the mold of being a good all-around athlete.  That would leave video games as the main place to learn about things which, I think, most everyone generally agrees probably is not the best place to go.  Where else do they have though?  Boy Scouts is losing membership, (2014 annual report claims 885,000 boys 11-17, 2015 claims 840,654 while back in 1997 there was over 1 million ) and, well, there is no other program specifically targeted at boys that I can think of or really find from a brief online search.  There are combined programs yes but, I am willing to bet that those programs are going to generally be led and geared towards girls still.  Yet, there seems to be some confusion as to why boys are not growing up, participating in society and in general, not seeming to be adjusting well.  Perhaps teaching to the whole boy just like we try to teach to the whole girl could be beneficial?